Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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