Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
