Can i not drive my cunt home
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
