Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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