just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
