My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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