I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
