@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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