my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
