I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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