You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
