Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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