Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
