yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize