Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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