I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
