Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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