Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Green mimosas i think yes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
