summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
