Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
