does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
