My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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