When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
