Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
