Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
