Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
