Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
