Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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