Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You smell like stripper and shame
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Boobs speak an international language.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize