Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
