I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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