my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
