his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
