Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
