Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
