This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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