Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
