Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
