i was born a porn star she said
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
