Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
