is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
