i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
