Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
