So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
