franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
