6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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