sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
