What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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