ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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