They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize