The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
