She is in my trunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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