Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
