i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
