my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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