the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
