i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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