I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
