I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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