You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
