Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
